fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
