Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
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