Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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