i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
