You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
