he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
