Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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