That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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