don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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