Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
