Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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