4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
