Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
