So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
is wine microwaveable?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
