Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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