My brain says no but my pants say off.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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