I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
do herpes really smell.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
