this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
