I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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