so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
