Who wears a wallet chain?!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
