I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
