they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
