omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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