barbara walters just said penis...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
