My friends, they love my intelligence
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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