its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
