No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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