I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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