Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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