Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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