I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You're a waste of cheezeits
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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