proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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