He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
