On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
