Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
