woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
