Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
