do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
