I have demons in me.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
