I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
