his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
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Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
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We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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