Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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