Is it because I queefed?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
