Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
