you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
