You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
