You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
What did we do last night that was yellow?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
