broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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