i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
