I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
