So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Houston, we have a squirter
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
