I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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