so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
