My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
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