every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
