I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
