it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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