I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
