Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
