According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
