I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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