I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Found your dick twin last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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