I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
