so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
