matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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