Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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