Kiss
Puke
I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
