if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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