The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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