it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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