Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The uberlube is also flammable
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
