the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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