it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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