Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
