OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
