I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
