Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
